bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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