Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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