"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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