Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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