So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
