Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
