I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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