I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
