Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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