He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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