thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
