And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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