You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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