Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
