I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
