More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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