So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
