You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
