im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
