I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
