With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
