So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
