You were right. It hurts to walk today.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
