Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
