filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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