It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
