We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
