i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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