was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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