how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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