My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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