I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
