U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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