A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
