I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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