hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
