I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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