I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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