hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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