i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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