I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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