I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
