I cockslap morals
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
