I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
