"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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