Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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