Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
