Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
