its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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