What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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