drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
