He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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