Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I need moral support for this bender
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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