One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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