I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
