Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
